my first entry, after innumerable other aborted attempts….
i’ve begun to write this so that i could try and make some sense out of what on a superficial level seems to be a happy enough, well-oiled machine but which i believe is precariously close to coming off its moorings and just screaming off towards the redline and beyond; like an earbug which one just can’t get out of one’s head, with riffs playing in the background, and one waits for the expected crash of drums at the start of the refrain; though one should be thinking of matters closer at hand. pleasant, this kind of private concert can be, till one starts listening to the lyrics more carefully and one wonders if there is something more to it than one first thought; and till the music begins to control one’s actions.
over time, i’ve really begun to think that i seem to be missing something quite apparent to others; as ideas and decisions from a previous time which seemed only natural then appear naive or even foolish now and misguided at best. or so iam willed to believe….